Unless you are a narcissistic jerk who just likes to boss people around, the point of giving someone instructions is to accomplish something constructive.  With that in mind, in Ephesians 5:18-21, Paul gives four really clear instructions that aren’t just random instructions to keep us busy.  These instructions are certainly ones that, if we have any knowledge of the character of God and all that He has done, is doing, and will do, should come from us as naturally as water flowing down a hill.  But these instructions are also something that, if we obey them, will remove the bitterness, frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, and general misery that defines our life and replace it with what defines God’s!  So, let’s just jump right into this.

Paul writes,

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:18-21)

Ephesians 5:18-21 contains 4 instructions that unlock the life of joy that can only be experienced by God’s people.

The first instruction that unlocks the life of joy that can only be experienced by God’s people is in verse 18.
Live fully surrendered to the influence of the Holy Spirit. (5:18)

1. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,
2. The purpose of telling us not to be drunk with wine is certainly to form a clear contrast that helps us understand what it means to be filled and thus dominantly defined by the influence and leadership of the Holy Spirit. But it is massively important not to let the illustrative use of the imperative be your excuse to ignore or weaken the fact that this is stated as an imperative, that is, a very clear and straightforward command to NOT be controlled by alcohol, or anything else that will foolishly influence your words, actions, attitude, and ability to process the world around you.Remember, Paul is writing to people who have been saved out of a lifestyle filled with drunken parties and festivals that frequently involved all kinds of sexual immorality. So, for many of the people in the church at Ephesus, the idea of not being drunk was very new to their thinking.  Similarly, in the Western post-Christian culture, there is a growing number of people within the Western church who come into a relationship with Christ with no knowledge that the Bible commands us not to be drunk.  What’s concerning, however, is the number of people who grew up in the church who very well know that the Bible instructs us not to get drunk and yet consciously ignore it under the guise of creating safe places to disobey God.   Do not get drunk with wine is as basic a command from a God who both demands and deserves obedience!But why would God tell us not to get drunk? Is it because he doesn’t want people to have fun, or is it because he’s a loving God and knows it can totally destroy your life and others?  I think the answer is obvious.  One night with too much to drink could influence you to make a decision so powerful that it permanently changes every day you have left in this world, as well as every day other people have left in this world.  I’ve never heard of a drunk driver who, before getting drunk, thought he would kill somebody, yet every 44 minutes a person in America dies as a result of drunk driving.  Beyond the wake of dead bodies caused by drunkenness, there is also a mountain of destroyed marriages, destroyed relationships with children, unplanned pregnancies, unplanned marriages, financial disasters, drug overdoses, murders, and suicides.   Drunkenness, like any sin, creates death, sometimes physically, sometimes relationally, sometimes emotionally, but always death to some degree, whether you can see it or not.But, above all the logic we could consider about this imperative to not be drunk, at the end of the day, it should only need to be heard for what it is—a command from God!
3. Now, in contrast to the death and chaos caused by being controlled by alcohol, is the life and joy created by being controlled by the Holy Spirit. Specifically, Paul says to be “filled with the Spirit,” which means leaving no room for anything or anyone else to be the deciding influence on who you see yourself to be and what you decide to do.To be filled by the Holy Spirit means to be defined by the relationship you have with God. When you are filled by the Holy Spirit, your life doesn’t have room to be defined by anything else.To be filled by the Holy Spirit means to be satisfied and in need of nothing else. Everything else that comes into your life is there to accompany it or complement it, but it's not there to fill it or control it.Being filled with the Holy Spirit is also not a one-time thing but a continual choice. John Stott wrote,“For the fullness of the Spirit is not a once-for-all experience which we can never lose, but a privilege to be renewed continuously by continuous believing and obedient appropriation. We have been ‘sealed’ with the Spirit once and for all; we need to be filled with the Spirit and go on being filled every day and every moment of the day. … For there is more, much more, yet to come."¹Stott, J. R. W. (1979). God’s new society: the message of Ephesians (p. 209). InterVarsity Press.
4. So listen, when your life is continually filled by the Holy Spirit, the experience of your life becomes what the Holy Spirit creates.22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)So think about this in the context of our verse. No matter what circumstances surround your life, those circumstances can’t fill you if the Holy Spirit is filling you, because if you are, then there is no room left for them to do it.  Therefore, no matter how frustrating, disappointing, or downright painful a situation in life may become, if you are filled with the Spirit, that is, living a life in full surrender to the influence of the Holy Spirit, then no circumstance on the planet will have power to change the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control that’s being generated in you.  The circumstances in your life have no power to dictate how you experience them when they have no room in your life to produce the emotion, wisdom, attitude, and perspective that shape how you will walk through them.  Ironically, people will abuse drugs and alcohol for that very purpose, to fill their life with an experience that keeps the influence of their circumstances from dominating their experience, but even a lost world can admit where that leads—total debauchery!
5. The following is helpful commentary on the verse from other scholars.“‘Be drunk’ is methuskō (μεθυσκω), ‘to get drunk, become intoxicated.’ Wycliffe translates, ‘be filled.’ Vincent says: ‘A curious use of the word occurs in Homer, where he is describing the stretching of a bull’s hide, which in order to make it more elastic, is soaked (methuskō (μεθυσκω)) with fat.’ The word, therefore, refers to the condition of a person in which he is soaked with wine. … ‘Filled’ is plēroō (πληροω), ‘to fill up, to cause to abound, to furnish or supply liberally, to flood, to diffuse throughout.’ In Acts 6:15 we have Stephen, a man filled with faith and the Holy Spirit. Faith filled Stephen in the sense that it controlled him. The Holy Spirit filled Stephen in the sense that He controlled him. Therefore, the fullness of the Spirit has reference to His control over the believer yielded to Him. The verb is in the present imperative; ‘Be constantly being filled with the Spirit.’ The interpretation is, ‘Be constantly, moment by moment, being controlled by the Spirit.’”²Wuest, K. S. (1997). Wuest’s word studies from the Greek New Testament: for the English reader (Vol. 4, pp. 127–128). Eerdmans.“debauchery” - “behavior which shows lack of concern or thought for the consequences of an action—‘senseless deeds, reckless deeds, recklessness.’ μὴ μεθύσκεσθε οἴνῳ, ἐν ᾧ ἐστιν ἀσωτία ‘do not get drunk with wine, for that results in reckless deeds’ Eph 5:18. In some languages ἀσωτία in Eph 5:18 may be rendered as ‘what one does without being able to think about it’ or ‘what one does when the mind is absent.’”³Louw, J. P., & Nida, E. A. (1996). In Greek-English lexicon of the New Testament: based on semantic domains (electronic ed. of the 2nd edition., Vol. 1, p. 752). United Bible Societies.“Paul has already told his readers that they have been ‘sealed’ with the Holy Spirit, and that they must not ‘grieve’ the Holy Spirit (1:13; 4:30). Now he bids them be filled with the Spirit. There is no greater secret of holiness than the infilling of him whose very nature and name are ‘holy’. … A person who is drunk, we say, is ‘under the influence’ of alcohol; and certainly a Spirit-filled Christian is under the influence and power of the Holy Spirit. But there the comparison ends and the contrast begins. Of course in the heathen cult of Dionysus intoxication was regarded as a means to inspiration. But it is a serious mistake to suppose that to be filled with the Spirit of Jesus Christ is a kind of spiritual inebriation in which we lose control of ourselves. On the contrary, ‘self-control’ (enkrateia) is the final quality named as ‘the fruit of the Spirit’ in Galatians 5:22–23. Under the influence of the Holy Spirit we do not lose control; we gain it. It is true that on the day of Pentecost some said the Spirit-filled disciples were drunk; ‘They are filled with new wine.’ These were a minority, however, described by Luke as ‘others’; the majority had no such thought in their minds, but were amazed to hear God’s mighty works being announced in their own languages. It seems that the minority were not even sincere in attributing drunkenness to the Spirit-filled Christians. Luke says they were making fun of them, so that the work of the Holy Spirit was ‘mockingly misinterpreted’. The first chapter of Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones’ exposition of Ephesians 5:18–6:9, Life in the Spirit in Marriage, Home and Work, is entitled ‘The Stimulus of the Spirit’. Writing as both a physician and a pastor, he helpfully compares and contrasts the two states of drunkenness and the Spirit’s fullness. He says: ‘Wine—alcohol—… pharmacologically speaking is not a stimulant—it is a depressant. Take up any book on pharmacology and look up ‘alcohol’, and you will find, always, that it is classified among the depressants. It is not a stimulant’. Further, ‘it depresses first and foremost the highest centres of all in the brain … They control everything that gives a man self-control, wisdom, understanding, discrimination, judgment, balance, the power to assess everything; in other words everything that makes a man behave at his very best and highest’.⁵ What the Holy Spirit does, however, is the exact opposite. ‘If it were possible to put the Holy Spirit into a textbook of Pharmacology, I would put him under the stimulants, for that is where he belongs. He really does stimulate … He stimulates our every faculty … the mind and the intellect … the heart … and the will …’ Consider now how Paul paints the contrast. The result of drunkenness, he writes, is debauchery (asōtia). People who are drunk give way to wild, dissolute and uncontrolled actions. They behave like animals, indeed worse than animals. The results of being filled with the Spirit are totally different. If excessive alcohol dehumanizes, turning a human being into a beast, the fullness of the Spirit makes us more human, for he makes us like Christ.”⁴Stott, J. R. W. (1979). God’s new society: the message of Ephesians (pp. 203–205). InterVarsity Press.

The second instruction that unlocks the life of joy that can only be experienced by God’s people is in verse 19.
Gather together to sincerely worship God with songs! (5:19)

1. 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,
2. First, there is no prohibition to do things not on the list, but there is necessarily a command to do the things that are on the list.
3. Second, as you will see in the research I’ve included in this manuscript, this is not a command to go around talking to each other in songs. It’s widely accepted among conservative evangelical scholars that Paul is speaking of the intentional gatherings of the body of Christ to grow in the knowledge of the Gospel and to strengthen their commitment to believe, trust, and obey Jesus. In modern times, we call it going to church!
4. Third, there is no universally accepted dogmatic understanding of the exact meanings of the things Paul lists, especially the difference between psalms and hymns. John Cavlin wrote, “What may be the exact difference between psalms and hymns, or between hymns and songs, it is not easy to determine.”⁵Calvin, J., & Pringle, W. (2010). Commentaries on the Epistles of Paul to the Galatians and Ephesians (p. 316). Logos Bible Software. However, there is a general consensus on the most general possibilities, while there is no consensus that they should be held dogmatically.  I have commentary in my notes that discusses this further, but the following is my understanding of the text:A psalm is a sacred poem about God or to God that, when sung, would be sung with instrumentation. They are honest expressions of a heart engaging with the truth of who God is and, as such, real-time expressions of a heart being transformed in a relationship with God.   They are obviously the contents of the Book of Psalms, but they are also found elsewhere in the Bible (i.e., 1 Samuel 2:1-10 and Luke 1:46-55, and 67-69).  Finally, in places like Psalm 149:1, the Psalms themselves command us to write new ones.A hymn is likely a reference to songs about God and to God that are necessarily formally written as songs that express the truth about God and invite our hearts to respond accordingly. Some believe hymns to be a New Testament concept and practice.Spiritual songs are seen as songs that come from the soul and, in context, are being sung to God in the presence of other believers. One can argue this is the same thing as a psalm and perhaps causes us to see the command to sing Psalms as a reference to the psalms in the Book of Psalms and other places in the Bible, and that this is a reference to the “new songs” the Psalms themselves command us to make.The next phrase begins with the word “singing,” which is necessarily joined to “making melody to the Lord with your heart,” and thus Paul is not commending them to do just any kind of singing but rather songs that are sung from a sincere heart to the Lord. And this brings me to the point of all this.
5. The point of verse 19 is not distinctions of what each word means, nor the nuances of each, but rather the totality of the point made in mentioning them all. The point is we are commanded to sing and make melody to the Lord with our heart, which, as I just stated, means to do all this singing about God and to God from a sincere heart, being influenced and changed by the filling of the Holy Spirit.
6. Therefore, the only way you can do what Paul commands in verse 19, that is, the only way you can sincerely worship God in song, is to stop looking at your life and circumstances through the lens of your circumstances and start looking at it in submission to the leadership of the Holy Spirit and thus in submission to God’s Word!
7. If you are going to sincerely praise the Lord, then you have to stop praising sin and your circumstances with the worship of your allegiance and instead start meditating on and even singing the truth about who the Bible says God is, what the Bible teaches us about the eternal life He has given us, how He gave it us, and how unbelievably awesome it is that we have it! When you start obeying God and you start singing about these things, when you start obeying God and you get together with other people who are singing these things, then the truth will start to transform your hear into one far more eager to repent and believer in Jesus; far more eager to live in surrender to the leadership of the Spirit and as such a life far more defined by an unshakable joy than anything else!
8. The more you understand, believe, and trust in who the Bible says God is, what He has done, is doing, and will do, the more you will find yourself sincerely doing exactly what the Psalms command us to do:
9. 1 Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens!  2 Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! 3 Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! 4 Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! 5 Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals! 6 Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! (Psalm 150)
10. The following is some helpful commentary from other scholars on verse 19:“The familiar av version of this sentence begins, ‘Speaking to yourselves in psalms …’ This does not mean that Spirit-filled believers talk to themselves, however, for the Greek use of the reflexive here can equally be translated ‘each other’ (as in 4:32). Nor does it mean that, if we are filled with the Spirit, we stop speaking to one another and start singing to one another instead. No, the reference is to Christian fellowship, and the mention of ‘psalms, hymns and spiritual songs’ (which are not easily distinguishable, although the first word implies a musical accompaniment) indicates that the context is public worship. Whenever Christians assemble, they love to sing both to God and to each other. Sometimes we sing responsively, as the Jews did in temple and synagogue, and as the early Christians did also, meeting before daybreak ‘to recite a hymn antiphonally to Christ as to a god’. Also some of the psalms we sing are in reality not worship of God but mutual exhortation. A good example is Psalm 95, the Venite, in the singing of which we should turn to one another: ‘O come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!’ Here is fellowship in worship, a reciprocal invitation to praise.”⁶Stott, J. R. W. (1979). God’s new society: the message of Ephesians (pp. 205–206). InterVarsity Press.“Here the singing is not ‘to one another’ but ‘to the Lord’. Although rsv may be right in translating the following words ‘with all your heart’, the Greek phrase probably means ‘in your heart’ (av), as in Colossians 3:16, referring to either the sincerity or the inwardness of authentic Christian praise, or both. Perhaps jbp has caught the point with ‘making music in your hearts for the ears of the Lord’, an instruction from which unmusical people unable to sing in tune have always derived much comfort. In this case it may be silent worship, although at the same time inwardly joyful and melodious. Without doubt Spirit-filled Christians have a song of joy in their hearts, and Spirit-filled public worship is a joyful celebration of God’s mighty acts, though J. Armitage Robinson suggests that Paul ‘contrasts the merriment of wine with the sober gladness of sacred psalmody’.^{”7Stott, J. R. W. (1979). God’s new society: the message of Ephesians (p. 206). InterVarsity Press.}“The early usage of the words ψαλμός, ὕμνος, ᾠδή, appears to have been as loose as that of the corresponding English terms, psalm, hymn, song, is with us. A psalm was a hymn, and a hymn a song. Still there was a distinction between them as there is still. A psalm was, agreeably to the etymology of the word ψαλμός, a song designed to be sung with the accompaniment of instrumental music. 2. It was one of the sacred poems contained in the book of Psalms, as in Acts 13:33, ἐν τῷ ψαλμῳ τῷ δευτέρῳ, in the second Psalm; and Acts 1:20, ἐν βίβλῳ ψαλμῶν, in the book of Psalms. 3. Any sacred poem formed on the model of the Old Testament Psalms, as in 1 Cor. 14:26, where ψαλμόν appears to mean such a song given by inspiration, and not one of the psalms of David. A Hymn was a song of praise to God; a divine song. … Such being the general meaning of the word, Josephus uses it of those Psalms which were songs of praise to God: … Psalms and hymns then, as now, were religious songs; ὠδαί were religious or secular, and therefore those here intended are described as spiritual. This may mean either inspired, i. e. derived from tie Spirit; or expressing spiritual thoughts and feelings. This latter is the more probable; as not only inspired men are said to be filled with the Spirit, but all those who in their ordinary thoughts and feelings are governed by the Holy Ghost. Singing and making melody in your hearts to the Lord. If this clause be considered as coördinate with the preceding, then it refers to a different kind of singing. The former expressed by λαλοῦντες ἑαυτοῖς is singing audibly, the latter by ᾄδοντες ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ is the music of the heart, the rhythm of the affections not clothed in words. In favour of this view, which is adopted by several of the best modern commentators, as Harless, Rückert, Olshausen, and Meyer, it is urged that the apostle says, ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ ὑμῶν and not simply ἐκ καρδίας, from the heart; and that the pronoun ὑμῶν, your, would be unnecessary, had he meant only that the singing was to be cordial. Besides, the singing here referred to is that of those filled with the Spirit, and therefore the caution that it should not be a mere lip service is out of place. Notwithstanding these reasons, the great majority of commentators make this clause subordinate to the preceding and descriptive of the kind of singing required, “You are to commence with each in Psalms and Hymns, singing in your heart.” Comp. Rom. 1:9, where the apostle says: ᾧ λατρεύω (not ἐκ πνεύματος but) ἐν τῷ πνεύματί μου, whom I serve in my spirit, and 1 Cor. 14:15. There is no sufficient reason for departing from the ordinary view of the passage. ᾄδοντες καὶ ψάλλοντες, singing and making melody, are two forms of expressing the same thing. The latter term is the more comprehensive; as αἴδειν is to make music with the voice; ψάλλειν, to make music in any way; literally, to play on a stringed instrument; then, to sing in concert with such an instrument; then, to sing or chant. See 1 Cor. 14:15; James 5:13; Rom. 15:9. To the Lord, i. e. to Christ. In the parallel passage, Col. 3:16, it is to God. In either form the idea is the same. In worshipping Christ we worship God. God in Christ, however, is the definite, special object of Christian worship, to whom the heart when filled with the Spirit instinctively turns. This special worship of Christ is neither inconsistent with the worship of the Father, nor is it ever dissociated from it. The one runs into the other.⁸Hodge, C. (1858). A commentary on the Epistle to the Ephesians (pp. 303–306). Robert Carter and Brothers.“Speaking to yourselves” is lalountes heautois (λαλουντες ἑαυτοις), literally, “speaking with yourselves.” But this translation is open to misinterpretation, namely, that of each Christian communing with himself, which is not the idea. Saints are to speak to one another. That is, in letting other saints know of their joy in salvation, they are to do so in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. They are to find expression to the Spirit-filled life in this way. As to the definitions of these terms, Expositors says: “What the distinctions are, if any, between the three terms, has been considerably disputed. Psalms are religious songs, especially those sung to a musical accompaniment, and par excellence an t. psalm; hymns are properly speaking songs of praise; songs, the most general term, are applicable to all kinds of songs, secular or sacred, accompanied or unaccompanied. The three words are brought together here with a view to rhetorical force, and it is precarious, therefore, to build much upon supposed differences between them.”⁹Wuest, K. S. (1997). Wuest’s word studies from the Greek New Testament: for the English reader (Vol. 4, p. 128). Eerdmans.

The third instruction that unlocks the life of joy that can only be experienced by God’s people is in verse 20.
Sincerely thanking God in everything. (5:20)

1. 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
2. Let me first say that no matter how bad my life may get in this world, I have God and His life forever. The afflictions I must endure in this life for His name’s sake are but a moment in the eternity we are made to live in; they are nothing more than a flash of light in comparison to eternity.  Therefore, no matter what God has called me into, I have all that Paul has talked about in this letter as my possession, and thus I still have awesome things to sincerely thank God for.  No matter what this life brings, because I have God and all that comes with it, I have every reason to praise God from a sincere and grateful heart!
3. Now, what’s cool about this command is that we have real-life testimonies of Paul doing exactly what he commanded the church in Ephesus to do. And what’s really cool is that these testimonies are not only of him thanking everyone but also of experiencing the joy that comes with it.  For instance, speaking of the “thorn” that God placed in the life of Paul, Paul writes,
4. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)
5. Imagine if you won the billion-dollar lottery, but then you found yourself all twisted up because you had to spend some of it on a new washer and dryer. Do you know how ridiculous you would sound for complaining about how much you had to spend on a washer and dryer?  You won a billion dollars for doing nothing but spending a few dollars on a lottery ticket, and now you’re upset that you had to spend what would amount to the rest of us spending some pocket change on something.  We would all be asking you if you had lost your mind!  Now listen, if we understand what we have in Christ, the same is true, and it’s exactly why Paul wrote this a decade later,
6. 7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death (Philippians 3:7-10)
7. What Paul was saying was that no matter what he gains or loses in life, the joy of his life is living it with Christ, which is an experience He didn’t earn and clearly didn’t deserve, but God graced Him with it because of His love for Paul. For this, Paul can’t find any reason not to thank God!  It’s why he wrote, “21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21). What God has given him is better than victory in this world and more impactful than any defeat.   No matter, He always has Christ, and therefore, no matter what, He can sincerely thank God!  No matter what, because of what Jesus did, Paul knew that he was not only a character in God’s story, he was a child of the King in God’s story, and as such, he is blessed to with the greatest purpose of all, to labor with the King to accomplish the purpose of the King’s story!  No matter what happened in his life, Paul knew he wasn’t a spectator to what God was doing in the world, but rather a participant with the King!  Therefore, because Paul was so grateful for all He had in Christ, no matter what he lost or gained along the way, he had something better than the greatest gain he could ever have from this world; he had something more impactful than the greatest loss, and thus he always had a reason to thank God! It’s why Paul wrote,
8. 12I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:12-13)
9. When we live in submission to the leadership of the Holy Spirit, and as we spend time reading and meditating on God’s Word, we will be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, and as such, filled with every reason imaginable to thank Him in every situation, because we will have joy in every situation (Colossians 1:9-14).

The fourth instruction that unlocks the life of joy that can only be experienced by God’s people is in verse 21.
Live for the good of others. (5:21)

1. 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
2. Submitting to one another is not a removal of authority. In fact, Ephesians prescribes authority within the local church, marriage, the family, and society as a whole.  However, this command does affect what the person given authority is supposed to do with it.  Jesus made it clear that the lost world sees leadership as a position of entitlement to be served, but Jesus said it’s a position of responsibility to serve (Matthew 20:25-28).  The point he was making is that leading is the assumption of responsibility to ensure the best outcome for those being led, even if it means the personal sacrifice of the one leading it.For instance, as the Lead Pastor of Venture, my job is not to build a local church for my success, but rather one for the spiritual success of those who are in it and being reached by it; one where Christ’s mission is accomplished in and through the lives of the people in the church.Likewise, as we will see in the command to husbands in this chapter, the job of leading their marriage is not for their glory and benefit but for the glory of Christ and the benefit and blessing of their wives and children.So, even when a person is in charge of others who are to submit to their leadership, the purpose of their submission is not for the leader’s glory but for the blessing of those trusting in and submitting to their leadership. If only our government leaders could ever understand this!Now, if this is true of those in charge, then it is equally true of all. But, more profoundly, if this is how Christ led, then this is how God functions, and thus how He is calling us to function.  Furthermore, if this is how God functions, then this is the only way to experience his life, and thus HIS JOY!

   The world says joy is experienced by making people do for you. God demonstrated that joy is experienced when we live for the blessing of others!

3. Now, Paul could have just said “submitting to one another,” and that would have been a totally rational command that matches the Bible’s summary command to love one another as Christ loves us. But he didn’t just leave us with that.  Paul attached a necessary reason for us to submit to one another that we can’t skip.  We are commanded to submit to one another, “out of reverence for Christ.”Sincere reverence is certainly centered on obeying Jesus because He’s God. But sincere obedience goes deeper than that.  It’s not just submission, it’s glad submission.  When we love being loved by Jesus more than anything, our cup is filled to the point we don’t have to take life from others, because we have all the life we could ever get!Therefore, to truly honor God in how we submit ourselves one to another, we must do so not to manipulate people or simply because we were told to, but because we are filled with so much joy of being filled with the Spirit that we can’t see any reason not to love somebody the way Christ loves us!Note: “Subjecting oneself to another is the opposite of self-assertion, the opposite of an independent, autocratic spirit. It is the desire to get along with one another, being satisfied with less than one’s due, a sweet reasonableness of attitude.”¹⁰Wuest, K. S. (1997). Wuest’s word studies from the Greek New Testament: for the English reader (Vol. 4, p. 129). Eerdmans.In other words, if you don’t know Jesus, then you don’t know the love that joyfully lives for others to truly be blessed by God’s life, no matter how much it costs you.

   But at the same time, if we don’t obey Christ’s command to love others as He loves us, and thus submit ourselves for the betterment of others, then we also can’t walk in step with the Spirit and be filled with the joy produced by being filled with the Spirit!

   It's not reverence if it's not real, and the only way it can be real is if you are truly grateful for being a child of God; that you truly love being loved by Jesus so much that it’s a joy to honor the command to live life submitted to others.

   “Those who are truly subject to Jesus Christ do not find it difficult to submit to each other as well. … In brief, Spirit-filled believers love God and love each other, which is hardly surprising since the first fruit of the Spirit is love.” ^{11Stott, J. R. W. (1979). God’s new society: the message of Ephesians (p. 207-208). InterVarsity Press.}

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Challenge: 

Are you blaming your lack of joy on other people, your job, family, God, or the church, or turning your head and heart towards obedient, submissive faith in Him so that your life can be defined by joy no matter what happens in your life?

Interestingly, frustration, bitterness, anger, and misery begin to melt away in our lives when we start doing what the Bible and thus what the Holy Spirit is telling us to do!  But instead of obeying God, we will keep making excuses for the lack of joy in our lives and then get mad at everybody and God that our lives are defined by anything but joy.  We demand that God give us joy the way we want it delivered and never stop to consider that the God of joy has clearly declared the only way and place it can truly be found, but we refuse to believe Him. We insist that we know more than the God who made us; than the God who literally knows how we are built to have joy.  We shake our fist at God and tell him we would rather be miserable than surrender our lives to Him, the one who is in charge, and, whether we like it or not, we consequently continue to live a life devoid of joy.

So, what we are going to do next is exactly one of the things we were just got told by the Scripture to do.  We are going to stand and sing about God's worthiness to be praised.  So, here in Dallas and in Lincolnton, will you stand with me.  I’m going to pray, and then we are going to sing with our worship leaders about God's worthiness, even if we are struggling to believe it right now.  We are going to declare to our hearts and others what is true.  Whether you sing out loud or stand there and make a melody in your heart with them that can’t be heard by anybody but God, will you trust God enough to do what He commanded us to do together and worship Him no matter what?

Now, for some of you, you might say you can’t sincerely praise the Lord right now, but listen: faith begins not with a feeling but with obedience.  Many times, I have to sing my way into joy.  There are many times in my life that I do exactly what Paul said to do in Ephesians and as I obey Him and start declaring in song the truth of who God is, what He has done, is doing and will do, I find myself more inclined to live in glad submission to Him and suddenly I find myself experiencing the very joy that comes when we are being filled with the Holy Spirit!

So, for some of you, you are so convinced of the worthiness of God to be praised that you can’t wait for me to stop preaching so you can bust out in worship!  But for others of you, this is an act of faith.  To allow your heart to join in what we are singing is of itself an act of saying to God, ok, I’ll open myself up to you; I’ll open myself up to choosing you over everything else; I’ll open myself up to bowing down before you and letting go of everything so that I can be filled with your life, and to that I say AMEN!  Do it and watch what God will start doing in your heart next.  Stop clinging to your anger and frustration and trust God enough to start clinging to His majesty and glory!

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Discussion Guide: How We Act – Joyfully!
Ephesians 5:18-21
Series: God’s People – How We Act

When have you seen someone truly joyful even in really hard circumstances? What do you think made the difference in their life?

What’s one thing that tends to steal your joy the fastest (stress, people, circumstances, etc.)?
Paul’s First Instruction: Live fully surrendered to the influence of the Holy Spirit.
(Ephesians 5:18) “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.”

Why does Paul contrast getting drunk with wine and being filled with the Spirit? What does “be filled with the Spirit” actually look like in daily life (not a one-time event)?

The sermon says being filled with the Spirit leaves no room for circumstances to control your emotions or responses. When have you experienced the Holy Spirit producing love, joy, peace, etc. (Galatians 5:22-23) even when life was difficult?

Paul’s Second Instruction: Gather together to sincerely worship God with songs!
(Ephesians 5:19) “Addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart.”

This command is given in the context of being filled with the Spirit. How does gathering to worship God together (singing from the heart) help us stay filled with the Spirit and walk in joy?

The sermon emphasizes sincere worship—not just singing words, but singing truth about God from the heart. What helps you move from “going through the motions” to genuine worship, especially when you don’t feel like it?

Paul’s Third Instruction: Sincerely thanking God in everything.
(Ephesians 5:20)  “Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Paul commands us to give thanks always and for everything. How does remembering what we have in Christ (even in hardship) make this possible? Share an example from your life or Paul’s life in the sermon.

When is it hardest for you to thank God? What truth from this sermon could help shift your perspective in those moments?

Paul’s Fourth Instruction: Live for the good of others.
(Ephesians 5:21) “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

The sermon says submitting to one another is the opposite of self-assertion. What does this look like practically in marriage, family, church, or work? Why is it tied to “reverence for Christ”?

How does living for the good of others (instead of demanding they serve us) unlock the joy that comes from being filled with the Spirit?

The sermon challenges us: Stop blaming lack of joy on people,
circumstances, or God—and instead turn toward obedient, submissive faith in Him.

Which of the four instructions is the Holy Spirit most pressing on you right now? Why?

What is one practical step you will take this week to obey that instruction (e.g., daily filling with the Spirit, gathering to worship, giving thanks in a hard area, or submitting to someone for their good)?

This series shows how God’s people act differently because we are different.
What is one doctrinal truth (who we are in Christ) and one application truth (how we live it out) you want to carry into this week?

Pray Together
Thank God for the joy that comes from being filled with His Spirit. Pray for each person by name using the specific step they shared. Ask the Holy Spirit to help us obey these four instructions so our lives are defined by unshakable joy—no matter what.