The Deceit and Destruction of Lust
You cannot talk about the 1980s, or really even the 1990s, without talking about the music! Whether it was the Top 40 Pop music (which faded into total boredom in the 1990s!), Rock 'n' Roll, Metal, Rap, R&B, or even Country music, it was completely entwined with the experience of living in that era.
Now, so that all the Gen Z and Alpha generation people can fully understand just how much music was married into our life and culture back then, I’m going to have the guys play some very short samples of a handful of songs. To the production guys, I’ll tell you when to hit start and stop. To everybody listening, as soon as it stops, I’m going to give you a three count, and then you shout out the name of the artist, and my guess is almost everybody here will know the names of most of these. My theory is that no matter how much you prefer one style of music over another, or even if you don’t know the actual song we play, you will nonetheless likely still know who recorded it.
Country Music Sample – George Straight, “All My Ex’s Live In Texas” (start at 0:17)
R&B Sample – Tina Turner, “What’s Love Got To Do With It” (start at 1:42)
Rap Sample – D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, “Summer Time” (start at 0:00 )
Metal Sample – Van Halen, “Jump” (start at 0:00)
Rock’n’roll Sample – Metallica, “Enter Sandman” (start at 0:00)
Pop Sample –Michael Jackson, “Billy Jean” (start at 0:00)
Now listen; here’s how much of an influence music has had on us. Half the time, I can’t remember the names of my own kids, but I can typically name all those artists and many more within one second of one of their songs playing; I can even still sing or rap along with the music!
So is it any wonder then, in the late ’90s, when VH1 launched a TV series on all those artists called “Behind The Music,” it ended up being a huge hit! They produced 17 seasons of that series, and it lasted until 2014. It was such a big hit that in 2021, Paramount+ decided to pick it back up, and since then, they’ve produced two more seasons—one in 2021 and another in 2024. The show was so popular because it let all of us Gen X’ers and Millennials see the true story of the people who shaped so much of our cultural experience, and it was shocking! We figured most of them were party animals, but their record labels and marketing companies kept the public from knowing the true level of debauchery and total life disaster most lived … that is until VH1 let the secret out with the TV series, “Behind The Music.” It wasn’t every story, but most of them followed the same template, and it made you cringe as you watched the show! The template for almost every episode was of a massively popular singer or music group that worked themselves to the bone to be successful. However, when they got successful, they flung themselves into every fleshly desire they could access, ultimately ending in total disaster.
Now listen, I’m pretty sure there wasn’t one Gospel motive or purpose to “Behind the Music.” I can’t imagine that there were too many if any, born-again Christians hired by VH1 to write or produce any of their TV shows. Nonetheless, almost every episode served as a perfect example of what the Bible teaches, that is, our life and typically those around us end up in a complete nightmare when we surrender ourselves to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, or the boastful pride of life.
To lust after something is too long for it so much that you justify surrendering your life to it; that is, you begin to sow the effort of your life into fulfilling that desire. Therefore, as we all saw over and over again in the VH1 TV series, those who justify feeding rather than checking up their lust for sex, wealth, or power will eventually destroy themselves and deceive everybody around them, including themselves, as they do it!
So, ironically, “Behind the Music” does nothing but demonstrate a Biblical truth. The Apostle John wrote,
“16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh [(sex)] and the lust of the eyes [(wealth and materialism)] and the boastful pride of life [(power and success)], is not from the Father, but is from the world." (1 John 2:16, NAS)
John was making it clear that a life consumed with sex, wealth, materialism, power, and/or success is a life that is sowing itself into the world and not God. What’s interesting is that as obvious as the deceit is to maintain a life lived in pursuit of one or more of those things, and as much destruction as it causes to those around us and even to ourselves, once you’ve fed that lust long enough you become blind to any consequence other than the gratification of your desire—which to no surprise is the consequence you are living for!
So, when it comes to our study of 2 Samuel, sadly, we see this truth on full display. For instance, in chapter 11, David tries to cover up his extramarital affair by arranging for the woman’s husband, a man who was intensely loyal to David, to be put in a battle situation that would essentially guarantee his death at the cost of other loyal men to David dying as well. David then went on with life, acting like a hero for marrying the widow of the man he arranged to be killed! But, thankfully, in chapter 12, David gets confronted by the prophet Nathan, and David repents. It led to one of the most powerful Psalms in the Bible, one that I’ve read and reflected on hundreds of times in my own life. If you want to learn more, you should check out the sermon Thomas Crane preached last week on 2 Samuel 12. The chapter concluded with David having great success as he went off to war again, and as such, you might think that all is well and the judgment of God on his actions had been averted. But when Nathan confronted David, Nathan made it clear that David’s sin had invoked God's judgment in a way that could not be avoided.
10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.' 11 Thus says the LORD, 'Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. 12 For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.'" (2 Samuel 12:7-12)
The contrast between David’s response to being confronted with his sin and its consequences with Saul’s reaction was that Saul only begged to stay in power, whereas David was only concerned with his relationship with God, so much so that he seemingly could care less about any other consequence other than his relationship with God! It’s why David wrote,
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. (Psalm 51:10-13)
Nonetheless, the judgment of God Nathan pronounced on David was indeed a judgment of God on David in that despite God restoring David into a relationship with Him; it didn’t nullify the consequences God issued to David and his family. But the promise of those consequences could have likely started fading in David’s mind because everything was going so well around him. However, when the events of chapter 13 occurred, there was no way David could have avoided the knowledge that this was ultimately his fault and perhaps explains, but doesn’t justify, the ensuing level of passivity we see from David as well.
As horrific as these consequences are, they are nevertheless essential for us to understand in context to the ones doing it. By that, I mean it would be easy for us to excuse all that we are about to see as the unavoidable consequences of the judgments of God, but that would be an unnecessary and unbiblical conclusion. Even though we can’t explain the simultaneous existence of the sovereignty of God and the free will of man that is under the condemnation of God, we are nonetheless told that our actions and choices are always our responsibility. As such, we will be justly held accountable by God for them.
So, as we see actions in the coming stories, we need to know that nobody gets a pass! They are indeed a testimony of the judgment of God on David, and even though we can’t explain the logic of how both things can be true at the same time, it doesn’t change the fact the Bible presents both at the same time. The Bible is clear that this is the result of God’s judgment and simultaneously the actions of people who are of themselves choosing to submit to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the boastful pride of life.
Therefore, as we study the next few chapters, it will feel like you are being flung into an episode of “Behind The Music.” We are going to see a whole different level of the truly cringe-worthy deceit and the horrifically destructive power of living our lives submitted to the lust of the flesh (sex), the lust of the eyes (wealth/materialism), and/or the lust of the pride of life (success/power). Specifically, in 2 Samuel 13, we will see two cringe-worthy testimonies of a life lived in submission to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the boastful pride of life. These testimonies are not hard to see and understand; the “hard part” is whether we will apply these lessons to our lives or not!
2 Samuel 13 provides us with two testimonies of the cringe-worthy horror of a life lived in submission to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, or the pride of life.
The first testimony of the cringe-worthy horror created by a life lived in submission to sin is from a man named Amnon.
Amnon fed the lust of the flesh (sex) for so long that he planned and justified raping his sister.
1 Now Absalom, David's son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David's son, loved her.
So that you know who’s who in what context, Absalom is a son of David via a wife named Maacah, who was the daughter of a Syrian King named Talmai.Tamar was Absalom’s full-blooded sister by the same mother. (2 Samuel 3:3)
Amnon was David’s firstborn son via a wife named Ahinoam of Jezreel, a people within the tribe of Judah. (2 Samuel 3:2)
Therefore, Amnon is in love with his sister. Now, let’s be clear that this love has no justification at all. First and foremost, there is the fact that Tamar is Amnon’s sister, and it doesn’t matter that she was only a half-sister by blood, not only for what I hope would be the obvious reasons to everybody reading this but even more importantly for the fact that it was clearly strictly forbidden in the Law! Furthermore, in this case, the text makes it clear that Amnon’s love was in no way what the Greeks would call “agape,” that is the kind of love that God has for us, the kind of love that is completely driven to bless the one you love regardless of it being appreciated or reciprocated. The proof of this judgment is easy to see as the story goes on. Amnon is driven not by “agape” but “eros,” that is, his “love” for her was actually an obsession to have sex with her. The Bible says,
2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her.
Gordon Keddie noted, “The ingredients of a genuine love are altogether lacking: there is no self-giving commitment, no seeking of the other’s highest good, no sensitive devotion, not even a hint of romance; there is only naked physical lust and an utterly self-centered disregard for Tamar’s personal integrity, welfare and blessedness. Amnon is consumed, not by what he could do for her, but by what he wanted desperately to do to He wanted sex—it was as simple as that!” 1Keddie, G. J. (1990). Triumph of the King: The Message of 2 Samuel (pp. 124–125). Evangelical Press.
Instead of confronting his sinful desires and repenting, Amnon fed them to the point that they grew and grew until they literally tormented him.Instead of redirecting his mind away in repentance, he instead continued to direct his mind to his desire and inability to act on it, so much so that when a politically motivated person in David’s government gave him an idea on how such a sinful thing could be covered up, it was all the justification Amnon needed to act on his lust for his sister. Here’s what happened,
3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David's brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, "O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?" Amnon said to him, "I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister." 5 Jonadab said to him, "Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, 'Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.'"
Note: The more we learn about Jonadab, the more we learn he is a man filled with the boastful pride of life; that is, his lust for power and success was so intense that he was more than willing to use his ability to come up with wise and creative solutions to enhance his favor with the one everybody presumes would be the next King even if it meant advising him to do something totally immoral and unethical!
6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, "Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand." 7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, "Go to your brother Amnon's house and prepare food for him." 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, "Send out everyone from me." So everyone went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand." And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, "Come, lie with me, my sister."
In Amnon’s arrogance, he truly thinks his sister is going to willfully and energetically concede to having sex with him. The proof of this will come out later.
But what I want you to see at this point is that he is so blinded by his consistent mental submission to his immoral sexual desire for his sister that he’s deceived himself into thinking she will leap at the chance to have sex with him! How insanely arrogant, but that’s what happens when we live fully submitted to the lust of the flesh, eyes, or pride of life! When we live submitted to our sinful desires instead of Christ, we not only feed that desire, but we feed the ego that wants it and wants to justify it.
12 She answered him, "No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. 13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you."
Note: Most scholars agree that David would not have agreed to such a thing, but that we are seeing an innocent woman understandably saying whatever she can at this point to dissuade her brother from raping her!
14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.
Note: Just so we are all clear. She said no, and she physically resisted, to the point that it took Amnon’s superior strength to physically overcome her enough to be able to rape her. My point is that if you attempt to blame Tamar in any way, you are raising a massive red flag concerning the desires of your heart because you will ironically be responding to this situation in much the same way Amnon does, and it’s sickening what Amnon does next!
15 Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, "Get up! Go!"
Note: Again, Gordon Keddie sheds some excellent light on what just happened. In it, he wrote, “Because, as with all sexual violators, the one thing he wanted even more than sex itself was for her to want to give herself to him, freely and willingly. The rapist hates his victim because in the very act of his self-gratification, he knows the most profound frustration of all: the humiliation of rejection. Without brute force, he would have nothing at all. And this sense of inadequacy and frustration is all that he has left after his fleeting passion has subsided. Sins ‘sweet in the commission, afterward become odious and painful, and the sinner’s own conscience makes them so to himself’—and all the more so when the victim will not take the blame by consenting to the deed.”2Keddie, G. J. (1990). Triumph of the King: The Message of 2 Samuel (pp. 125–126). Evangelical Press.
16 But she said to him, "No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me." But he would not listen to her. 17 He called the young man who served him and said, "Put this woman [(refusing to even say her name!)] out of my presence and bolt the door after her." 18 Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.
Tamar is now the lead character in our own horror film. She has not only lost her virginity to rape, but the man who just raped her is clearly not going to marry her. The loss of her virginity leaves her in a state that would be near impossible for David to give her away in marriage, and when you add that to the fact the one who took her virginity was a family member who did so by raping her, well, there’s just no words to describe what this woman was feeling! If she wasn’t safe in her own home, where would she go?
But what got him here? This can’t be missed! Amnon sexually desired his sister, and instead of running from the desire and taking the exit ramp, he continued to fantasize about the possibility. Night after night, he entertained the thoughts until one day when somebody gave him an idea on how to fulfill his desire, it was all he needed to hit the go button. For all we know, Amnon may have already thought out that scenario multiple times in his mind; what he needed was justification, and who better to give it to him than a man so filled with the boastful pride of life, that is, the lust for power and success, that he was more than willing to justify recommending blatant sinful actions to the presumed heir to David’s throne!
The second testimony of the cringe-worthy horror created by a life lived in submission to sin is from Absalom.
Absalom fed the lust of the eyes (wealth/materialism) and the boastful pride of life (power/success) for so long that he justified deceitfully making and enacting a plan to execute Amnon for his own glory.
Now, you might be tempted to see Absalom’s actions as just, but they are anything but just. You will see that Absalom never made an effort to engage the judicial process that would have clearly put his brother on trial before a jury, but he also showed no regard for his sister, the actual victim! As you read this, you’re going to see that in the eyes of Absalom, Tamar, and her rape, was nothing more than an opportunity for him to rid himself of the one who, at this point, would be the presumed heir to the throne. In addition, he could do so in a way that sets himself up as the hero of the story who was willing to do what his father wouldn’t do (a consistent pattern for Absalom). So, even though Amnon should have been tried and executed, it still doesn’t justify what Absalom did and certainly not why Absalom did it. The further you get into 2 Samuel, the more clearly you realize that what he did had nothing to do with a heart for justice but everything to do with his heart that longed for wealth, materials, power, and success. Here’s what the Bible says happened,
20 And her brother Absalom said to her, "Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart." So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom's house.
Note: I have no concept how Absalom thought reminding her that Amnon was her brother was supposed to make this ok in her mind and bring healing! Absalom then left her in a desolate condition in his own home. So, if for any second you think anything you're reading next has anything to do with a righteous desire, a romantic ideal of a brother standing up for the honor of his sister, then just come back to this verse. Absalom doesn’t have a single solitary righteous motive at work at him in this situation. He is entirely motivated by how he can use this to satisfy his desire for wealth, materials, power, and success! This comes out even more when he has a chance to demand that his father reign justice down on Amnon. The Bible says,
21 When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 22 But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.
Note: He hated what he did enough not to defend him, but he was also so motivated by his own lust of the eyes and boastful pride of life that he wasn’t willing to mess up his chance to use this as an opportunity to show everybody how big of an Alpha male he could be. If he were truly being driven by a love for his sister, he would have demanded David put him on trial or simply dragged his brother before the King and cut his head off. As wrong as that would have been, you could have at least empathized with his motives. But again, Absalom isn’t at all driven by his love for his sister; this is all about himself and his own selfish desires. The level of deceit in what happens next is unmistakable.
23 After two full years Absalom had sheepshearers at Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king's sons. 24 And Absalom came to the king and said, "Behold, your servant has sheepshearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant." 25 But the king said to Absalom, "No, my son, let us not all go, lest we be burdensome to you." He pressed him, but he would not go but gave him his blessing. 26 Then Absalom said, "If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us." And the king said to him, "Why should he go with you?" 27 But Absalom pressed him until he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him. 28 Then Absalom commanded his servants, "Mark when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, 'Strike Amnon,' then kill him. Do not fear; have I not commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant." 29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king's sons arose, and each mounted his mule and fled.
He spent two years setting everything up … so much for his motives being about justice.
They all knew what they just did was unlawful and that their father could view it as treason. They had just killed the apparent heir to the throne without ever seeking justice through the very clear system of justice laid out in Israel; they never confronted their father about his refusal to issue any consequences to Amnon, and most damning, they never consulted their father about executing Amnon!
So, here’s how the chapter closes out.
30 While they were on the way, news came to David, "Absalom has struck down all the king's sons, and not one of them is left." 31 Then the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the earth. And all his servants who were standing by tore their garments. 32 But Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David's brother, said, "Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king's sons, for Amnon alone is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day he violated his sister Tamar. 33 Now therefore let not my lord the king so take it to heart as to suppose that all the king's sons are dead, for Amnon alone is dead."
Notice that Jonadab has known about this all along! It is very possible that Jonadab had seen the tea leaves and realized Absalom was going to kill Amnon, but it is also possible that Jonadab had planned all of this from the very beginning. If he felt Absalom was going to be a better king than Amnon, he may have played a chess match to not only get Amnon out of the way but, in so doing, also make sure he was aligned with who he felt the next king would be—Absalom. The Bible has already told us in verse three that he was a very “crafty man,” so this conclusion is not without some level of merit.
However, at a minimum, we can say for sure that the way Jonadab was playing this earned him favor with Absalom by making sure David knew his actions weren’t near as bad as they first assumed. He even offered some justification for Absalom by reminding David that Amnon violated his sister. Simultaneously, he was earning credit with David by rescuing him from the horrifying reality created by the fake news that Absalom had killed all of David’s sons!
The final proof of Absalom’s motives came in what happened next. The right and honorable thing to do would have been to go home, stand before his father, and explain his actions. The right thing to do would have been to simultaneously confront the injustice of his father’s passivity, all while throwing himself at the feet of David in a cry for mercy over his own passive-aggressive deception that took matters into his own hands rather than using the existing transparent system that ensured justice would be accomplished in an above reproach fashion. So, instead of doing the right thing, Absalom doubled down on the selfish and cowardly thing. The Bible says,
34 But Absalom fled. And the young man who kept the watch lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, many people were coming from the road behind him by the side of the mountain. 35 And Jonadab said to the king, "Behold, the king's sons have come; as your servant said, so it has come about." 36 And as soon as he had finished speaking, behold, the king's sons came and lifted up their voice and wept. And the king also and all his servants wept very bitterly. 37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son day after day. 38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon, since he was dead.
We will stop discussing 2 Samuel at this point because I want to ensure that we understand how the New Testament explains what’s happening in this story.
James wrote,
14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:14-15)
James explains precisely what just happened in 2 Samuel 13. Whenever we rationalize a sinful desire within us, we justify its existence. Whenever we entertain it by mentally working on ways to fulfill that desire or what it would be like to fulfill it, then we not only continue the process of normalizing it and justifying it, but we also fuel our boldness to do it. Whether it’s an immoral sexual desire (i.e., sexual thoughts for anybody other than our spouse!), the desire to deprioritize what should be a priority to justify a life in pursuit of money, a desire to purchase something we can’t afford, the justification of unethical practices to earn wealth, power and success or justifying the purpose of your life to be the attainment of wealth, power and success; it all gets started when we start feeding the desire rather than starving it by running from it! The way you kill a sinful desire is not to focus on the desire but to do the opposite, call it sin, and refuse to entertain it by filling your mind with the opposite of sin—righteousness and holiness! It’s why Paul wrote,
2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)
Elsewhere, Paul wrote,
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9)
That passage is first and foremost about how we deal with anxiety and fear, but, as we saw with Amnon, and especially if you are a believer in Jesus, if you keep feeding sinful desires in your life, you will create a tremendous amount of anxiety. Conversely, then, if you stop feeding the sinful desires that are creating anxiety within you and start feeding your mind with that which is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and genuinely praise-worthy, you will be killing the sinful desires in your life by starving them of the opportunity to be justified and growing, all while you increase your love of being loved by Jesus; all while increasing your desire to live in submission with Him; all while growing in your passion for knowing and following Jesus more than your passion for knowing and following the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life!
So,